Tuesday, June 28, 2011

My Prince in rusting Armor

He is riding on a brown horse, on a beach dirtied with broken bottles and human excreta. This is being done in slow motion form like an Indian lover singing in the fields to his love. A romantic song accompanies the ride, blasting “ma to nkyemam” by Sony Achiba. He alights from the horse and does a 360 swirl. He kneels before me and places a kiss on my hand. Would you be my queen, he asked. Shyly I looked at him and bam! Its “attention” the mad man in my area.:(

What the hell is attention doing in my dream? My prince was supposed to be a mixture of Denzel, Morris Chestnut and Tommy lee (I need the rough side too)

I remember one of my supposed dating days; Blackie (that is not his original name oh) arrived ten minutes early to pick me from work. He wouldn’t switch off his ignition so the air condition would glaze his glass, he was still in his shades after 6pm.He got out of the car to open the front door for me, I was laughing in my head, first impressions don’t count babes, I said in my head.

Blackie and I went to his fav place and then left to another after spending some hours. On our journey, blacks wanted to buy diesel and realized his money had run out. “ I have to use the ATM, I need some gas” he said, “ cool” I said (in my mind cool meant, who cares? Gas, when did we start saying gas down here)

We stopped at Barclays and Blacks got down with swag to pay Mr. ATM a visit, after 3 mins I realized he looked frustrated, so I got down to go find out what his issue was. Apparently his card had been swolled by the ATM card. Blacks wouldn’t accept it and was pissed like hell. After trying relentlessly to retrieve it, he called one of his friend whom he claims works at the bank. His friend explained to him how the system works and how he has to come back on Monday and begin procedures to retrieve the card. He got pissed and dissed his friend and told him how he works for an incompetent employer and that he was going to sue them.

Instantly blacks had changed from the swagon papa to a scary looking devil. He banged on the ATM machine with his fist and legs. He hit it so hard and he begun to attract on lookers. The bank security personnel were alarmed and got close to him, he begun to ruin insults on them and called them silly and stupid people. Do you know who I am? He continually asked them.

You should have seen me, trying to hide in the ground or better still get in a taxi and run. A police petrol van arrived on the scene. They tried to calm blacks down but he won’t listen , he told them their salaries were equal to his transportation allowance.

The men became agitated , then all of a sudden, one policeman looks at me and says “ nice woman , how can have a boyfriend like this, ei? I didn’t know what to say, shaking my head, smiling, frowning and deeply disappointed at the same time.

After their endless quarrels, blacks realized he could easily be beaten and beckoned me to sit down as he came in to move the car. Silently I sat down and waited till we got somewhere far from our audience and said to him, “ I really had a nice time but sleep beckons, drop me here and I would get a taxi home”, let me drop you, he said. NO! I mean thanks, I live at Dansoman and its far, and I see you are upset, just get home safe and we would talk.

We never had till NOW!

( This is a combination of various dates, if the caps fit sorry! I have access to use of the memories too 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Losing the Pounds:)

So am a girl of my own from head to toe, if you don’t believe ask my brothers CND and PBG and they would tell you how dependent I am on them and their salaries. I have always been a chubby child from my white sneakers days in Association International school to my adolescent days in Aburi girls and my uneventful days in uni.

I have never been “big” or “slim” always somewhere between the two. I don’t ever remember been a size eight, I remember being a size ten from the time I become conscious of my weight. I was a chic then oh! But still the heaviest amongst my friends. I have never had a problem with my weight, I have never felt cast away or sad about my weight, well I just couldn’t see myself being “slim”

I would probably lose all my hips and that I don’t want to. Back in SSS my classmates would tease me that all my butts had enter my hips cos my hips would putrude through my abugiss skirt. I didn’t really know it was an asset until I came to the real world. Anyway sorry, am swaying!

So back to my weight, I have just tried to remain in between some where. I really don’t call people fat cos I think its an ugly word. I use curveous and plum. I do not get offended when some ungentlemanly boys see you and say in Twi (wo aye kesei oh) all I say is its God’s grace and say “idiot” in my head. You don’t tell people they are fat, ok they are fat and so what? What are you telling them for? So they that they slim down and suit your eye and the modern woman figure or you are genuinely concerned about their health. If it’s the first then “ dzi wo fie asem”

When my overly energetic boss decided to enroll us in a gym, it was a funny sight! The guys in my office arrived at the gym with so much zim only to be dezimed after 30 minutes in the exercise. They were panting so hard and the instructor would happily say “ you guys think playing football on Saturdays is enough”
A lot of things set me thinking, for what reasons do we embark on personal journeys and projects , is it for ourselves or for others. A lot of people gym for so many reasons
1. To look good by public standards 2. To keep fit 3. Well cos a boyfriend or girlfriend says so 4. To keep healthy and prevent one from diseases .

Weight is a very emotional topic in Africa especially with the thought of an African body being big and curveous. I sincerely think African woman have the most amazing bodies, they are the model on which Barbie was built. Big up, slim waist and big down, but because of bad personal eating choices we are often out of shape.

Its high time we believe in our bodies and not set out to perfect it but set out to feel good in it.Feeling good in it means walking with heads high, planning to lose that part that we don’t like and not the whole part, check to make sure we are not at risk of getting sick! and eating the right food at the right time.

Am trying to lose a few pounds, well the main reason being that I would love to dance and go down to the floor and pick coins up properly  and that my friend needs a lot of stamina.